5. They keep terrible company
Exhibit A: Kenzaki [Blade]
Hey, Kenzaki's a sweet guy. He's cute, he's caring, he has a steady job and his own transportation. He'd make a great boyfriend. Except oh great, now you have to hang out with the biggest motley group of idiots since the cast of Scooby Doo. As if it's not enough that he lives with a control freak with a nutcase for a father and some weirdo with a possibly Freudian fondness for dairy produce, the guy's constantly spending time with three of the biggest entries from Who's Annoying.
You'll probably meet The Ambiguously Gay Couple, otherwise known as Tachibana and Mutsuki, first. Tachibana apparently lost half his braincells when his girlfriend died; Mutsuki has wet dreams about his own rider system and wears a stupid little earring. That's all you need to know about them. But the real kiss of death to any relationship you could ever have with Kenzaki is Hajime, though you'll probably refer to him more often as "That Weird Guy My Boyfriend is Unreasonably Nice to" or "Someone Chris Hansen Probably Wants a Word With".
4. They're never there
Exhibit B: Eiji [OOO]
Let's pretend you're on a date with your boyfriend. You're chosen a really upmarket restaurant and because he's in customer service and spends his meagre wage on ugly underpants and fruit-flavoured phallic objects for some guy he hangs out with, you're paying. Just as you're gazing into his eyes over the smoked lobster on your plates, he spots something behind you. Suddenly he's out of his chair, half the patrons in the restaurant have been knocked to the floor by his flailing arms, and you're alone with some dish you didn't even want but ordered because he said he had it in "Frenchland" once.
So what if some kid's getting mauled by a giant leather cat? What about your needs?
|A bug thing is not fine too.|
3. Half the time they're not human
Exhibit C: Shouichi [Agito]
Wow, honey, you're like the next evolution of humanity? That's so cool! Wait wait, so is your "true" form like an angel or a really beautiful androgynous person with eyes that can shoot lasers or--
2. They have weird family issues
Exhibit D: Pick a Rider, any Rider
|That's weird. You're weird.|
Also a turn-off: keeping a
Seriously guys. You're all really quite creepy.
1. I would die
Exhibit E: Wataru [Kiva]
|But at least you don't have to date Wataru now.|
But against all odds, you survive! Does your beloved come down to hold you, apologise for giving you a literal boot to the face, maybe call an ambulance? No, actually he goes off in a melodramatic fit then decides to go back in time and cockblock his own father. Meanwhile you're assassinated by the Japanese Adrian Brody. This sucks.